Mother Son Tulsa Divorce

How to Help Your Children Cope with a Tulsa Divorce

Your children are the most important part of your life.  Its particularly important to connect with them when a big life change like divorce occurs.  While the Denton Law Firm can take care of the legal aspects of your Tulsa divorce, the emotional support you provide for your children is even more important.  If you are getting divorced in Tulsa, we can help you locate resources that help protect your child’s interests during your divorce.

Breaking the News about Divorce

Often, one of the most difficult aspects of divorce is telling the kids.  You want them to feel loved and secure. How can you minimize the traumatic impact of this life change? If possible, it’s best if you and your spouse deliver the news about the divorce together.

In order to avoid anger or blame, it’s best to practice before telling the kids about the divorce.  Keep it neutral. The discussion should be focused on your kids’ feelings, not your own. Keep it simple. Let them know what the divorce means for their lives and routines.

There are a few points to emphasize in dealing with your children during your Tulsa divorce:

  • The love between adults is different than the love between a parent and a child.
    • Reassure them. No one is divorcing them.
  • Let them know they didn’t cause the divorce.
    • Children, especially preschool age children, often believe they did something to cause the divorce. They don’t truly understand cause and effect yet. Be patient and prepared to repeat this point often.

A Typical Child’s Reaction to Divorce

Young children may regress, taking comfort in the past. Some examples of regression after divorce include bed wetting, baby talk and thumb sucking. Younger kids are also apt to act out, believing they were bad and caused the divorce. These children need routines that are consistent in both homes. Ensure you and your former spouse come to an agreement on this. It will make life easier for all involved, but particularly for the little ones during your Tulsa divorce.

Kids in grade school are often angry. They may direct that anger at the parent they believe caused the divorce. This is why the divorce announcement and later interactions between parents should be neutral. These children often need permission to love both parents.  Give them permission frequently. Children may try to assume a caretaker role.  Praise their efforts, but don’t let them take on too much stress. Otherwise they could have other development delays.

Teens may take news of the divorce and turn it into worries about their own future.  They may wonder whether love is real, whether a successful relationship is possible, or if they are doomed to be alone. The best remedy is talking to them. Note that it’s important to treat them as a teen and your child, not a friend. Children who become their parents’ confidants may delay normal separation because they feel responsible for the parents. Keep conversations focused on them.

While there’s no right answer for every child, there are lots of resources out there. Above are just a few suggestions. The Denton Law Firm is dedicated to helping Tulsa residents get through the divorce process as smoothly as possible.  If you need legal advice regarding  your Tulsa divorce, alimony, child support, or child custody, call or email the divorce attorney Tulsa counts on.  (918) 221-3999.


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